bye sweet Beno. . .

Lost a great friend this week. Beno, my host brother was home for 4 weeks here in Rehoboth with his family. During our time together we enjoyed so many laughs and good times. I feel like I lost 'home' here. When I talked to him I didn't have to talk slow and wonder if he understood. We watched movies together, listened to music, talked, drove, went to the store, made jokes, just had fun. I miss him so dearly this week. Rehoboth is not the same without him. Bum deal.

Had my first really crappy language barrier experience last night. I sat at the table with my host mom and dad and 2 of their friends as we ate dinner. The one man is one of my teachers who I'm teaching and I really like him. He likes me too. The 4 of them sat talking in Afrikaans, laughing and carrying on. I didn't even know where to look. Do you look at the speaker as if you are understanding and following? Cause I don't. Do you look down and disengage? I don't ever really know where to look. Then they start speaking in english again and you join back in, look up, smile. . .? I dont know but it was at that time as all of the words were flying, laughs were loud and gestures were flying, that my eyes started to fill up with tears, and I just wanted to go home. Atleast, I just wanted Beno back. Beno always made sure I was involved in the conversations and had an idea about what was going on. I could look at him and feel okay. I was acknowledged. I was included. And they tried too saying things like "we'll tell you everything tomorrow" or "she's not speaking in English becuase the joke doesn't work then." Funny, okay, I get it, but do we have to talk about it now. And the hardest part is the one lady. Whenever we are together, she seems to have little regard for me and the language barrier. It has become very offensive and hurtful. Still, at the same time I understand that I am a guest in their home and thy have friends and a life to carry on with too. How can I expect them to cater to me and my language disability forever? I don't think I can.

smoke in the morning

The mornings here are smoky, so are the nights. The smoke is from the fires. The fires they make to keep warm. Each morning some of the students come to school smelling like smoke. It's their only heat source in this cold. Most of this isn't in Block B or C, it's block E. Block E is the location, as they refer to it. It's where the tin shacks are and broken down fences. It's where kids eat poridge if they're lucky and bread now and then. Mom and dad drink homemade brew night and day. Life comes one day at a time. The end of the month is the goal, payday. Payday doesn't always mean you get paid, but someone does. So you usually get something whether it's from a family member who made it out or from someone's pocket where you take it.

Income disparity is the largest in all of Africa here in Namibia. My family drives a Mercedes and the family down the street wonders where food will come from after drinking all the money away. It's a terrible collision of worlds. Color plays a part here too. I never would have thought so, but it does. The racism is a bit different but it is deeply embeded and strongly surviving. Once again it's 'the blacks' who are the object of it. They are Owambu and Nama, Damara and Himba. They are black and the coloureds and white Afrikaaners know the difference. They see the difference in lifestyle, in music, in dress, in so many ways. They refer to them as 'those people.'

Even though their skin is brown, having mixed with black at some point, they fail to see the resemblence. Maybe it was a Dutch grandfather who mixed with a Nama woman or a German man with a Owambu lady. It was long ago and now they are brown, not black. It's sad and all too familiar to our own prejudices. Maybe one day we can all just be people. Humans, loved, created by the same. Loved by One.

i eat goat

Got the funniest e-mail from Richard the other day... He was talking about what was going on in his llife and then out of the blue, he stops and says, "Enough about me, what kind of food are you eating? Do you like it?" I just laughed, then realized that I have made significant diet changes. I'll start with the morning. I'm up at 5:40, yes sister, 5:40. For breakfast I have some kind of cereal, but they eat it with warm milk, so sometimes I do too. They have these great wheat bisuit things called Veet Bix (wheat biscuits). They are dry. You add some hot water and then wwarm milk to them, add sugar, stir it up and you have a cream of wheat type cereal. It's great, and so good for you! I also drink coffee or tea- like 5 times a day here. It's a staple. And the coffee, it's instant- but good. Add whole milk and sugar and it's like a warm cappucino. Nice. I add 1 sugar, they usually have 3-4. uggh.

Next is brunch. I guess we can call it that. Brunch is between 9:30-10:20. The whole school has a break. My host mom makes my lunch for me everyday. nice. She makes me a variety of sandwiches from a cheese and butter sandwich to chicken salad or bologna. They are usually very good but she loves the butter- loves it. I get slabs of that stuff on my sandwiches everyday. Dad, you'd like that! No mayo. I usually pick some of it off. The lady who makes tea at the school brings me tea.

I also pack some friut, either apple or orange, a yogurt and maybe some crackers. Yogurt is amazing here too, by the way. It's so creamy and yummy. My family said it's kinda expensive but they still buy it for me just cause they know i like it. They're really great.

We get out of school at 1:00. We eat again! Jeanette, host mom, usually makes us something. Sometimes we just have bread and some kind of meat and tea or coffee. Sometimes we have something hot from the store. Lately we've been getting these meal of the day things. They're not always great. Yesterday I got this curry lamb meal. I don't really like those. They don't make me eat anything I don't want to which is nice, especially with Namibians and their meat. Meat is very important to Namibians. It's IS the meal. It is life. She is so attentive to make sure I have something before I go back to school for the computer training with the teachers. It's really nice.

We often have a cup of coffee or tea sometime in the afternoon. It's actually nice. Everyone takes turns making it for each other. We sit and talk and drink our coffee and tea.

Then, dinner is usually around 6:30. Gotlieb, my host father gets home around then and we eat as a family. It's nice. It's always fun when he comes home. He likes me and we have fun together. He's either teaching me Afrikaans or we're laughing about something funny from the day. I enjoy his company.

Jeanette makes great food. It's always so tasty and good. She always makes a meat dish, usually goat or lamb, rice or pasta, a cooked vegtable or two, some kind of sauce for the meat and/or vegtables and some kind of cold salad. It's nice. Dessert is saved for sundays. It's nice because she knows I like chicken and the pasta she makes, so she makes it more often for me even though Gotlieb prefers the red meat and rice. :)

I was talking to one of the other volunteers this weekend and we decided that food tastes better here!! It just does! We couldn't decide if it was because we were expecting it to taste bad, or beause they start with better ingredients and they don't have factory farms for meat. Not sure which, maybe both. My mom always says it tastes better when someone else makes it, maybe that's part of it too. Either way, i'm not suffering.

So that's what I eat. Goat, lamb, coffee, tea, yummy yogurt and slabs of butter on things!

the strangest thing

sumem' weird happened today at Rehoboth High. . . beyond the principal smoking as he greets the students, beyond the fact that the school is a ghostyard at exactly 12:50 and beyond the lady who just makes tea and does dishes. . . aroudn 12:20 today, 30 minutes before school gets out, a coca cola truck pulled up beside the school. With speakers thumping and voices shouting, coke came to Rehoboth high today and put on a 'show.' weird. I was waiting for Ronald McDonald to show up next wearing nike shoes and passing out microsoft software packages to the kids. None of that happened, but the coke show did go on.

It's a weird mix of good and bad what coke has done over here. They've given money to schools and sponsored sporting events, passed out free coke and provided entertainment to these dirt road kids. They've also put their name EVERYWHERE. On every sign that they sponsored, on every watertower they built is glaring red with white words selling sugar water. Still haven't decided how I feel about it, other than the fact that it's weird. Goats and donkey carts, cocacola and loud speakers. . . i'm just not sure.

My host parents' real son, Benno arrived from Cape Town today. He's studying civil engineering there and is home for holiday. He's nice and is stylish. He wears nice cologne and is growing his hair out, despite his father's wishes. He's young, but seems like a bridge for me, between Namibia and the rest of the world. He has e-mail and checks it but still likes to eat the goat dishes they so often prepare here. A new dynamic for my household scene. If i haven't mentioned it yet, God has given me parents. . . wherever i go. My mom and dad will never be replaced but now their arms are longer. From Sue and Roger, now to Gotlieb and Janet. I am thankful. Sunday afternoon naps end with Janet at my door, coffee in hand, "good afternoon Mandy." I have want for little.

right click or left?

Wow, class number 3 and i forgot how I felt as i fumbled around in menu's wondering if I should right click or left, just hoping that I'd pick the right one. Some of my students/teachers are stuck in this frustrating beginning wondering if they'll get out. Some, on the other hand are hoping to get through all 7 modules including power point, internet, excell and access. Wow. I had to hold back the laughter a few times as they flounded through what they thought were all the right steps and ended up somewhere quite far from the desired end.

I've somehow become the tech-go-to-person which includes printing student pictures for the girls netball team and the boys rugby team, installing drivers for printers, controlling porn restrictions on student access computers, setting up usernames for every student on the media team, figuring out how to use the server, etc. To say the least, I'm learning a few things about pc's/microsoft. Mac's rock. They are so much more user friendly and don't have unnecessary things just hangin around. Either way, i'm learning!

Funny things about this place. . . there are quite a few. IN the morning, the principal stands outside and smokes. He smokes in his office, pretty much wherever. Good example. The tea and dishes lady. . . there's an older lady who works here. I'm convinced her main role is to make tea and clean up the dishes from it. Everyone drinks tea here, like every chance they get and I Guess she cleans up after it. She's making me tea on breaks too, which is nice I guess, but kinda funny. Not sure what i'm going to do when I go back to the states and i'm not a celebrity any more. Everywhere i go it's, "hello miss." "You look pretty miss." "Good morning miss." I think part of it is culture and the other part is fascination with my white skin. hum.

I thought africa was going to be rough. I still think it is, but not for me. My host mom makes my lunch for me every morning, coffee in the afternoon, tea and snacks whenever. there's a lady who comes to our house from the village who does our laundry. Any volunteers from home to take over when i return? seriously. I started feeling bad about it yesterday. I can do my own laundry. And she works for $N20-30. That's between $4-5 USD. SHe was there from 9 am to 8 pm. SHe brought the baby too. She's cute. And get this- she named the baby Janet, my host mother's name. I guess it's tradition for this tribe to name their babies after their employers. Crazy, I know. . . . mine would be little baby linda or little ol' scotty or roger. Funny. The whole thing's kinda weird.

Going to the dam soon. Janet has a friend who owns a big ol house at the dam and they have all kinds of african animals and condo type things to stay in. Nice. I met her today and she says, "I have to come out and have coffee with her." Okay.

Going home now. Hope this sends. Internet here sucks. I should just be thankful. uggh.Problem is, when it goes wrong, they'll expect me to fix it. geeze!

three out of eight

FIrst day of school and 3 out of the 8 computers work! There is much work to be done here and calls to be made for repairs! We have another lab too, which i haven't seen yet but it doesn't have internet access and not all of them are working either! I am thankful for the bazillion computers that Ball State has that are readily accessible to me and of course, Stacy. Stacy has been great to have for music in my room, writting, importing my pictures and just entertainment! My room is so quiet and it's been nice to have all of myu 2300 itunes available for my listening enjoyment! Lots has happened since i last posted. I will update soon! No USB ports again to post pictures but I hear there is a place up town that has them! Sweet! Will post soon! Pray for miracles!

giraffes and wildebeasts

Went to a wildlife reserve today with the group. Saw giraffes and wildebeasts, wart hogs and baboons. It was great, and scary.

It's our last night together as a team tonight. Change is on it's way and it has no plans of altering it's course. And ya know, I don't want to stay here forever. I cannot accomplish what I have come for if I do not go. And it's going to be great! It is. The eyes of change seem to scare me at first. They stare with intent and directly at my deepest fears. It's unfair. I must retrain myself. And so it begins tonight.

Communication is difficult in Namibia. Plans have changed. I AM staying with a teacher and her husband. I think her kids are older. Molly says I'll have some kind of a flat or room or something off the house, some how seperate but I will still eat with them. Sounds like a good arrangement to me. Tomorrow I will know.

Figured out why I am here last night. I wrote about it but these computers don't have USB ports!! Bummer! So I can't get my pictures or documents off my computer. I'll try somewhere else! THis is Namibia!