bye sweet Beno. . .

Lost a great friend this week. Beno, my host brother was home for 4 weeks here in Rehoboth with his family. During our time together we enjoyed so many laughs and good times. I feel like I lost 'home' here. When I talked to him I didn't have to talk slow and wonder if he understood. We watched movies together, listened to music, talked, drove, went to the store, made jokes, just had fun. I miss him so dearly this week. Rehoboth is not the same without him. Bum deal.

Had my first really crappy language barrier experience last night. I sat at the table with my host mom and dad and 2 of their friends as we ate dinner. The one man is one of my teachers who I'm teaching and I really like him. He likes me too. The 4 of them sat talking in Afrikaans, laughing and carrying on. I didn't even know where to look. Do you look at the speaker as if you are understanding and following? Cause I don't. Do you look down and disengage? I don't ever really know where to look. Then they start speaking in english again and you join back in, look up, smile. . .? I dont know but it was at that time as all of the words were flying, laughs were loud and gestures were flying, that my eyes started to fill up with tears, and I just wanted to go home. Atleast, I just wanted Beno back. Beno always made sure I was involved in the conversations and had an idea about what was going on. I could look at him and feel okay. I was acknowledged. I was included. And they tried too saying things like "we'll tell you everything tomorrow" or "she's not speaking in English becuase the joke doesn't work then." Funny, okay, I get it, but do we have to talk about it now. And the hardest part is the one lady. Whenever we are together, she seems to have little regard for me and the language barrier. It has become very offensive and hurtful. Still, at the same time I understand that I am a guest in their home and thy have friends and a life to carry on with too. How can I expect them to cater to me and my language disability forever? I don't think I can.

smoke in the morning

The mornings here are smoky, so are the nights. The smoke is from the fires. The fires they make to keep warm. Each morning some of the students come to school smelling like smoke. It's their only heat source in this cold. Most of this isn't in Block B or C, it's block E. Block E is the location, as they refer to it. It's where the tin shacks are and broken down fences. It's where kids eat poridge if they're lucky and bread now and then. Mom and dad drink homemade brew night and day. Life comes one day at a time. The end of the month is the goal, payday. Payday doesn't always mean you get paid, but someone does. So you usually get something whether it's from a family member who made it out or from someone's pocket where you take it.

Income disparity is the largest in all of Africa here in Namibia. My family drives a Mercedes and the family down the street wonders where food will come from after drinking all the money away. It's a terrible collision of worlds. Color plays a part here too. I never would have thought so, but it does. The racism is a bit different but it is deeply embeded and strongly surviving. Once again it's 'the blacks' who are the object of it. They are Owambu and Nama, Damara and Himba. They are black and the coloureds and white Afrikaaners know the difference. They see the difference in lifestyle, in music, in dress, in so many ways. They refer to them as 'those people.'

Even though their skin is brown, having mixed with black at some point, they fail to see the resemblence. Maybe it was a Dutch grandfather who mixed with a Nama woman or a German man with a Owambu lady. It was long ago and now they are brown, not black. It's sad and all too familiar to our own prejudices. Maybe one day we can all just be people. Humans, loved, created by the same. Loved by One.

i eat goat

Got the funniest e-mail from Richard the other day... He was talking about what was going on in his llife and then out of the blue, he stops and says, "Enough about me, what kind of food are you eating? Do you like it?" I just laughed, then realized that I have made significant diet changes. I'll start with the morning. I'm up at 5:40, yes sister, 5:40. For breakfast I have some kind of cereal, but they eat it with warm milk, so sometimes I do too. They have these great wheat bisuit things called Veet Bix (wheat biscuits). They are dry. You add some hot water and then wwarm milk to them, add sugar, stir it up and you have a cream of wheat type cereal. It's great, and so good for you! I also drink coffee or tea- like 5 times a day here. It's a staple. And the coffee, it's instant- but good. Add whole milk and sugar and it's like a warm cappucino. Nice. I add 1 sugar, they usually have 3-4. uggh.

Next is brunch. I guess we can call it that. Brunch is between 9:30-10:20. The whole school has a break. My host mom makes my lunch for me everyday. nice. She makes me a variety of sandwiches from a cheese and butter sandwich to chicken salad or bologna. They are usually very good but she loves the butter- loves it. I get slabs of that stuff on my sandwiches everyday. Dad, you'd like that! No mayo. I usually pick some of it off. The lady who makes tea at the school brings me tea.

I also pack some friut, either apple or orange, a yogurt and maybe some crackers. Yogurt is amazing here too, by the way. It's so creamy and yummy. My family said it's kinda expensive but they still buy it for me just cause they know i like it. They're really great.

We get out of school at 1:00. We eat again! Jeanette, host mom, usually makes us something. Sometimes we just have bread and some kind of meat and tea or coffee. Sometimes we have something hot from the store. Lately we've been getting these meal of the day things. They're not always great. Yesterday I got this curry lamb meal. I don't really like those. They don't make me eat anything I don't want to which is nice, especially with Namibians and their meat. Meat is very important to Namibians. It's IS the meal. It is life. She is so attentive to make sure I have something before I go back to school for the computer training with the teachers. It's really nice.

We often have a cup of coffee or tea sometime in the afternoon. It's actually nice. Everyone takes turns making it for each other. We sit and talk and drink our coffee and tea.

Then, dinner is usually around 6:30. Gotlieb, my host father gets home around then and we eat as a family. It's nice. It's always fun when he comes home. He likes me and we have fun together. He's either teaching me Afrikaans or we're laughing about something funny from the day. I enjoy his company.

Jeanette makes great food. It's always so tasty and good. She always makes a meat dish, usually goat or lamb, rice or pasta, a cooked vegtable or two, some kind of sauce for the meat and/or vegtables and some kind of cold salad. It's nice. Dessert is saved for sundays. It's nice because she knows I like chicken and the pasta she makes, so she makes it more often for me even though Gotlieb prefers the red meat and rice. :)

I was talking to one of the other volunteers this weekend and we decided that food tastes better here!! It just does! We couldn't decide if it was because we were expecting it to taste bad, or beause they start with better ingredients and they don't have factory farms for meat. Not sure which, maybe both. My mom always says it tastes better when someone else makes it, maybe that's part of it too. Either way, i'm not suffering.

So that's what I eat. Goat, lamb, coffee, tea, yummy yogurt and slabs of butter on things!